It dawned on me that it has been a while since I reviewed any new dating sites. As I reached this "revelation", I was busy swiping right on Tinder...so I am kind of slow on the uptake. Anyway...Tinder!
For those unaware, Tinder is an app for your phone that uses your Facebook profile and info to create a simple profile for you. The app which was originally used for hooking up is now a viable option for those in the dating world. And it's free (kinda, I'll explain later). My first reaction to Tinder: bizarre and superficial. Once you fire up the app it uses your location to find matches in your area. The only filter criteria you provide is the age range you're looking for and distance away from where you are located. As pictures appear, you swipe left to reject them or swipe right to accept them. If you both swipe right, boom! You are matched and can now communicate/text through the app.
I've struggled to write about Tinder because of my conflicted feelings on it. Sure, in one sense, it is easy, fun, and a quick way to check out potential matches. You can glance at a picture and in an instant, you can judge whether or not someone is worthy of our time. Yes, I think us single folk do a version of it constantly. (Scanning the crowd...attractive female...immediately glance at the ring finger...and fuck). But there is something much more shallow about Tinder to me. The swipes are a quiet acceptance or rejection without any real thought. I include myself in this and am guilty of it as well.
Here is a real-time analysis of some of my Tinder matches right now (ages and names were changed):
- Amber, 25 - very pretty and has a profile consisting of four words. SWIPE RIGHT
- Lindsay, 29 - Two similar interests from Facebook/no written profile. SWIPE LEFT
- Renee, 30 - no written profile, attractive, kids in every picture...hers? SWIPE LEFT
- Jenna, 37 - not attractive, lots of pictures of cats and kids...hers? SWIPE LEFT
- Sammie, 28 - very cute, tons of tattoos, one similar interest, no written profile. SWIPE RIGHT
What did I learn from this little experiment? I'm a terrible, superficial asshole. But isn't that what Tinder is about? Make judgments in the blink of an eye and onto the next one. The advances in technology have been amazing and have certainly changed how we meet and date other people. But is it a good thing? We screen and judge a potential mate solely on profile pictures, Facebook interests, and a few sentences. Swipe Left: out of my life, never to be seen again. Swipe Right: hang out in the "maybe" pile and we will see what happens.
I'm not saying it's all wrong but it does feel as though we have become our online "profiles" and are disposable/disposed of pretty easily.
As a person who just wrote down whether or not someone else is worthy of me and why...the Swipe Left of me is deserved.
Sunday, June 14, 2015
Thursday, May 7, 2015
Smoking! (And other reasons women have broken up with me)
I started to think about the reasons why women have given me the boot. Listed in no particular order:
- Because their mom told them to do so (see ex-wife)
- Because they don't see a future with me
- Because usually date guys who are "more fit" (This proves that honesty/best policy thing is bullshit)
- Because they have an ex they want to get back together with
- Because they love eating pussy way too much
(I made up one of those...you decide which)
But during my time in the land of "da' ho" I ran into two new ones:
- Because your mom is technically my boss
- Because smoking cigarettes is more important to me than "this"
Breakdown:
1) Yes, her mom is technically my boss. And by "technically" I mean she is. In short, mom found out we were dating and told her to call it off...and she did. Does this sound familiar? (See Because #1)
2) Because smoking is more important...this one was simply fascinating.
I met D on Match.com. She was spunky, cute, fun, non-Mormon, and smoked like a fucking chimney. Now, smoking is generally a deal-breaker for me BUT...I honestly had no other fucking options. We lived an hour apart and would hang out once a week or so. We would drink, she would smoke, and I would pretend it didn't bother me. Yes, I told her that I didn't care for it and that it did indeed bother me. She would go smoke away from me and I never said shit. Perfect, right? Other than this, we got along really well. We could communicate well, laugh, and generally enjoyed each other's company. This was until this past week when she had something important to tell me: she needs to smoke. And smoke regularly without feeling like I was judging her. I explained that I never said a word to her about it and she agreed. But D was clear, smoking was part of who she was as a person and she didn't feel I was supportive (I wasn't). So it was decided that I would drive my ass back home.
It's been a week since all this horseshit and I have no conclusions. I feel I was going to be wrong no matter what. Maybe the lesson is that I shouldn't make concessions when it comes to big things (apparently smoking counts). Maybe I should keep my mouth shut and accept people for who they are.
Maybe, I just need to fucking move.
- Because their mom told them to do so (see ex-wife)
- Because they don't see a future with me
- Because usually date guys who are "more fit" (This proves that honesty/best policy thing is bullshit)
- Because they have an ex they want to get back together with
- Because they love eating pussy way too much
(I made up one of those...you decide which)
But during my time in the land of "da' ho" I ran into two new ones:
- Because your mom is technically my boss
- Because smoking cigarettes is more important to me than "this"
Breakdown:
1) Yes, her mom is technically my boss. And by "technically" I mean she is. In short, mom found out we were dating and told her to call it off...and she did. Does this sound familiar? (See Because #1)
2) Because smoking is more important...this one was simply fascinating.
I met D on Match.com. She was spunky, cute, fun, non-Mormon, and smoked like a fucking chimney. Now, smoking is generally a deal-breaker for me BUT...I honestly had no other fucking options. We lived an hour apart and would hang out once a week or so. We would drink, she would smoke, and I would pretend it didn't bother me. Yes, I told her that I didn't care for it and that it did indeed bother me. She would go smoke away from me and I never said shit. Perfect, right? Other than this, we got along really well. We could communicate well, laugh, and generally enjoyed each other's company. This was until this past week when she had something important to tell me: she needs to smoke. And smoke regularly without feeling like I was judging her. I explained that I never said a word to her about it and she agreed. But D was clear, smoking was part of who she was as a person and she didn't feel I was supportive (I wasn't). So it was decided that I would drive my ass back home.
It's been a week since all this horseshit and I have no conclusions. I feel I was going to be wrong no matter what. Maybe the lesson is that I shouldn't make concessions when it comes to big things (apparently smoking counts). Maybe I should keep my mouth shut and accept people for who they are.
Maybe, I just need to fucking move.
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Land of (No) Opportunity
I have to admit that I never really struggled. Sure, we grew up dick poor but for the most part, I was surrounded by other lower-middle-class white kids who were in the same boat as me. But being part of a small rural town, I was always part of the majority. A few months back, I moved to the state of Idaho for the following reasons:
1) It has been close to four years since I had graduated college and despite a few close calls, I had no teaching jobs to show for it. So when Idaho offered me a job, I went.
(End of reasons)
So I packed up my meager belongings, left everything I had ever known, and moved to a state I knew nothing about. Chief among the things I didn't fully understand was that my new hometown was chock-full of Mormons (80% per capita). Being the good atheist that I am, I can honestly say that I didn't give a single fuck about that. People are people, beliefs are beliefs, and let's all just move on with our shit.
How wrong I was.
See, no one is impolite. Ever. Friendly to a fault but at a distance. General help throughout the workday? Absolutely. Invite you over for dinner? Fuck to the no. From what I have gathered, once they decide you aren't in the tribe...you are over there. So for the first time in my life, I am the outsider...the guy who isn't the "norm". Again, I have my non-LDS friends but we are the outliers. I have my 10,000 hours of non-Mormon believing down cold (Thanks, Malcolm).
So...how does this apply to dating? (See above).
I feel like an ass for previously complaining about a lack of opportunities in the dating pool. They do not exist where I live. When I mentioned 80% of the population is Mormon above, this was not a plea for sympathy...that is a stat from the U.S. Census. Yes, this was my own doing and necessary for where I want to go in my career. But it did something else for me that I never truly appreciated: loneliness. I have been alone for the better part of a decade since my divorce, so I get being alone. And apart from a handful of relationships, I am comfortable being by myself. But being here has made me understand what it is to be without the opportunity to meet someone. It feels as if I am advancing a year of my professional life while placing a year of my personal life on hold.
The problem is that a decade of being alone is starting to feel like a habit and another year in an environment that only fosters that...scares the fuck out of me.
1) It has been close to four years since I had graduated college and despite a few close calls, I had no teaching jobs to show for it. So when Idaho offered me a job, I went.
(End of reasons)
So I packed up my meager belongings, left everything I had ever known, and moved to a state I knew nothing about. Chief among the things I didn't fully understand was that my new hometown was chock-full of Mormons (80% per capita). Being the good atheist that I am, I can honestly say that I didn't give a single fuck about that. People are people, beliefs are beliefs, and let's all just move on with our shit.
How wrong I was.
See, no one is impolite. Ever. Friendly to a fault but at a distance. General help throughout the workday? Absolutely. Invite you over for dinner? Fuck to the no. From what I have gathered, once they decide you aren't in the tribe...you are over there. So for the first time in my life, I am the outsider...the guy who isn't the "norm". Again, I have my non-LDS friends but we are the outliers. I have my 10,000 hours of non-Mormon believing down cold (Thanks, Malcolm).
So...how does this apply to dating? (See above).
I feel like an ass for previously complaining about a lack of opportunities in the dating pool. They do not exist where I live. When I mentioned 80% of the population is Mormon above, this was not a plea for sympathy...that is a stat from the U.S. Census. Yes, this was my own doing and necessary for where I want to go in my career. But it did something else for me that I never truly appreciated: loneliness. I have been alone for the better part of a decade since my divorce, so I get being alone. And apart from a handful of relationships, I am comfortable being by myself. But being here has made me understand what it is to be without the opportunity to meet someone. It feels as if I am advancing a year of my professional life while placing a year of my personal life on hold.
The problem is that a decade of being alone is starting to feel like a habit and another year in an environment that only fosters that...scares the fuck out of me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)