Sometimes you write things because you have something important to say. Other times, you write something because you feel it is informative or entertaining.
I have written before about some of the failed attempts that friends have made in setting me up with others. From the male perspective, these setups fall into one of three categories:
1) The Buddy Setup: 99.8% of the time this is about one of your friends wanting to hook you up with a chick that: either shot his weak game down or is the friend of a girl he is trying to fuck and knows that you can be an ass(et) to him getting some. These are great for most dudes because your brain works in a similar fashion to your buddies: you like to fuck and you really like women who like to drink and take their shirts off. Everyone wins. And in the event the Buddy Setup fails, you still win because your buddy understands why the setup happened in the first place...to get some sex for his friend.
2)The Couple Setup: Damn, this one happens a lot and actually happened to me tonight. I have this friend who I'll call DJ (because that's his real name, I'll sell you his address and Social Security number for $23). He sent me a text tonight asking if I was single and if I was interested in meeting his wife's sister. Listen, I have known DJ since middle school and love him dearly. We played high school football together and I have seen him naked more times than I can count. With that said, we don't talk a lot. We offer each other trades in fantasy football but we don't talk just to say hi, and we are both cool with this arrangement.
So did DJ suddenly start caring about my dating life? Shit no. But you know what he does care about? His wife fucking him this week. So when she asked him if he had single friends to date her sister, motherfucker started caring a whole lot. And I don't blame him, I would do the same. Sure, it could get sticky when it doesn't work out and it means any exit will have to be graceful, but DJ is my boy and I'll take one for his cock so he can get laid this week. This setup is appreciated but we all know what the real driving force is here.
3) The Crazy Setup: This happens with people who think they know you, but really don't. Or people who know you, but have extraordinarily shitty judgment. John's wife wanted to set me up with her co-worker, Amy. Other than the fact Amy had zero personality, was morbidly obese, and never made eye contact... it would have been perfect. Her rationale was, "Amy is single, Joe is single...it might work!" I love John's wife, Connee, she is a dear friend but this setup proves women are delusional. At no point did she consider my personality, likes or dislikes, or the fact we had nothing in common.
(Side story: Part of her thinking was that I'm athletic and so is Amy and she specifically cited the fact that Amy loved to skydive. Standing at the edge of a plane at 10,000 feet, leaning forward and letting gravity do the work doesn't make you athletic. Actually, it means you're lazy as shit. But I digress...)
Here is the thing: Connee meant well. She saw two single people and wanted to get them together. Her heart was in the right place, sadly it was nowhere near logic. These setups are always well-intentioned but poorly executed.
The lesson? Start including a line item for "escorts" into your monthly budget.
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