Review: Stir by Match.com

I'm a member of Match.com and lately these motherfuckers have been bombarding me with emails for their "events" to meet others known as "Stir". I decided that I needed something to do, meet some people and frankly, I needed something to write about...so I signed up to go.

The idea is this: Match rents out the room of a nice bar, fills it with single people, gets them hammered and calls it a success. Tonight I made my way into the nice bar to find a partially crowded section of people and surprisingly, it was not all dudes. (Fear #1: Sausage Fest! Sure there will be single people but it will be all weird dudes). Actually, as the night went on there were many single women. Or should I say, packs of single women (Yes, I get the irony of using "packs" and "single" in the same sentence).

I made my way to the bar and surveyed the scene: everyone had broken off into small groups and was chatting, so the "7th Grade Dance" theory I told Kat about was immediately out the window. But the first thing I noticed was the two people in wheelchairs. Ok, I'm seriously not a shitty person but it was funny because it was a man and a women, opposite sides of the bar and I distinctly heard some lady ask the guy "Are you guys here together?" I don't care, that is comedy at its finest. Outside of the two showboats, there was the normal collection of characters: drunk college chicks, drunk college dudes, the aforementioned pack of women who grilled every guy who dared talk to one of the pack, and everyone else who was drunk.

I made my way around the room and found it was easier just to go up and talk to women because I knew they were single. This sounds simple but it does something for your confidence knowing that person is available. And when it doesn't work out, you are oddly okay because you just start talking to someone else. The one anomaly of this event is that there is always someone else to talk to. Yeah, you are having a great time as is the person you're chatting with but you are both kind of looking around and wondering if there is someone else better suited for you. From what I could tell from the people I spoke with; there is a lot of talking and moving one but few connections. And if there are connections, the question becomes, "what do I do now?" because that person you've been talking to is watching you talk to another person.

This was all fine and fun until I run into someone I knew. Sure, we would all fear seeing a co-worker or relative but it ended up worse for me: I saw my friends girlfriend. I ended up meeting and talking to their group of friends and she made it clear that: a) she did not remember meeting me and b) that she felt she was single. It's worth noting that this event was 45 minutes away from where I live and where my friend lives. As we all chatted, she told me she was excited to be there and meet so many "new guys".

Fuck.

I stepped into the bathroom and texted my friend,
"How are things with your lady?" 
Him: "Good. Why?"
Me: "Fuck. I'm at a single event, she is here."
Him: "Tell her I said hi."

I emptied my bladder and contemplated my next move. I left the bathroom and found her again.

"Hey, I remembered where I know you from...I'm Joe. We've met..." And before I could finish my sentence, she remembered me.

She uttered a few expletives and then stammered "You aren't going to tell him, are you?"
I said nothing.
She said "I'm just here for moral support for my friends."
I said nothing.
She said "I told him I was in Grand Rapids, I just didn't say why..."
For once in my life, I got to have my movie moment when I said, "You're fucked."

I paid my tab and left.

Did I meet the love of my life? Nope.

And while I had to deliver difficult news to a friend, it was nice to remember that I was a good friend and maybe a decent person. All in all...a solid outing.

I hope the wheelchair people ended up fucking tonight...